Middle School (6-8)

High School (9-12)

Supplies:

• Copies of Handout 1: Positions and Needs

Preparation:

• Make enough copies of Handout 1 for each student to have one.

• Display for students Slide 1: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

• Display for students:

  • “Conflict: A struggle between two or more people who perceive they have incompatible goals or desires.”

  • “Positions: The things we prefer or want to satisfy our needs in a conflict situation.”

  • “Needs: The underlying reasons behind our positions. Why we want the things we want.”

CASEL Core Competencies

• Relationship skills

• Responsible decision making

• Self-awareness

Common Core ELA – Literacy Standards

• Speaking and listening

• Self-management

• Social awareness

NCSS Social Studies Themes

• Individuals, groups, and institutions

Students will:

• Learn the difference between needs and positions in a conflict.

• Recognize the importance of identifying needs in a conflict.

• Connect the process of shifting communication from positions to needs to de-escalating a conflict.

• Conflict

• Positions

• Needs

Distribute a copy of Handout 1 and ask a volunteer to read it to the class.

Ask: How many of you have been in a similar situation?

Say: Think of a conflict you’ve read about or experienced
recently. What elements of that conflict are similar to the conflict
between Marlena and her mom? What elements are different?

Display the definition of conflict and read it aloud. Ask: Can we agree that Marlena and her mom are having a
conflict?

Display the definition of positions and read it aloud.

Divide the class into two groups. Ask students in one group to write down what they think Marlena’s mom’s position is in the conflict. Ask the other group to write down what they think Marlena’s position is.

Ask for a “Mom” volunteer. Ask that student: What parts in the
story indicated her position? Then, ask if anyone on the “Mom” side has different or additional positions for Mom. Ask students to explain their thinking.

Ask for a “Marlena” volunteer. Ask that student: What parts in
the story indicated her position? Ask if anyone on the “Marlena” side has different or additional positions for Marlena. Ask students to explain their thinking.

Ask the “Moms” how they feel about the “Marlenas” right now. Ask the “Marlenas” how they feel about the “Moms.” List on the board the feeling words the students use to describe the other side of this conflict.

Display Slide 1. Explain that psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed that human beings are motivated by a variety of needs. He organized these needs in a hierarchy of importance, in which more basic needs must be met before higher needs can be addressed.

Explain that the slide illustrates Maslow’s idea by organizing the levels of needs he proposed into a pyramid. More basic needs are listed near the bottom of the pyramid, and the more complex or high-level needs are listed near the top. This order of needs is not rigid: it may be flexible based on external circumstances or individual differences. Furthermore, most behavior is multi-motivated, meaning that it is simultaneously determined by more than one basic need.

Say: We can use this model to explore the basic human needs that
may underlie positions in a conflict.

Ask students to share examples for each type of need.

Remind the class that needs are the underlying reasons why we want the things we want. Tell students to look at Maslow’s Hierarchy and identify either the needs Marlena and her Mom have.

Ask for a “Mom” volunteer to identify one of Mom’s needs. Ask the volunteer: What made you think she has this need? Ask the “Mom” side if anyone identified another need Mom has. Continue until all of Mom’s needs are listed and students have shared their reasoning behind the need.

Ask for a “Marlena” volunteer to say one of Marlena’s needs. Repeat the process above for Marlena’s needs.

Tell the class to think about the needs they have just shared for Mom and Marlena. Ask: What needs do both of them have in common? List the shared needs.

Say: Remember how each side felt when we were looking at Mom’s
and Marlena’s positions. Why do you think recognizing each other’s needs
changes how we experience a conflict situation?

A small group of students should pick one scenario listed below, or make up their own. Have the group write a three-minute skit based on their scenario where they express the positions and needs of each party and work out a solution to the conflict.

Each person in the group should have a role in presenting the script, but not all roles must be speaking parts. Make sure the group assigns roles based on the comfort and interest of everyone in the group. After the group performs its skit, ask the class the following questions:

• What communication skills did the group use to help make the conflict about needs and not just positions?

• What else could the parties involved have tried to reach a different outcome?

• Have you ever been in a similar situation? What did you do?

Then, ask the group that just performed:

• Was there anything hard about using these skills?

• Was there any part of using these skills that felt natural or easy?

• Do you think you understand the idea of positions and needs in a new or better way than before you did this activity?

Scenarios:

Your friend forgot a book for class and asked to borrow yours. You are fine with sharing it, but you explain they need to return it ASAP so that you don’t get marked down in your section, which is the very next period. You wait during the passing time between classes, but your friend is a no-show. You end up getting in trouble for being late and not having your book.

You come home from school and find your charger missing from your desk. You know your brother took it because he’s done it before! Later that evening at dinner with your family you want your brother and your parents to know there is a huge problem.

You want to go to the movies but do not have a ride home. You ask your sister to pick you and a friend up, and she says she will. When the movie is over, your sister is not there. She does not return texts, and she finally shows up 30 minutes late when your friend’s dad has just agreed to pick you up. Both your sister and your “emergency ride” show up at the exact same time.