Middle School (6-8)

High School (9-12)

Supplies:

• Copies of Handout 1: Priscilla’s Problem

• Copies of Handout 2: Uniting, Opening, and Informing Behaviors

Preparation:

• Make enough copies of Handouts 1 and 2 for each student to have one.

• Display the phrase “Parents’ Position.”

• Display the phrase “Priscilla’s Position.”

CASEL Core Competencies

• Relationship skills

• Responsible decision making

• Self-awareness

Common Core ELA – Literacy Standards

• Speaking and listening

• Self-management

• Social awareness

NCSS Social Studies Themes

• Individuals, groups, and institutions

Students will:

• Learn about informing, opening, and uniting behaviors.

• Explain how opening and informing behaviors help identify the positions and needs held by disputants in a conflict.

• Describe the ways in which uniting behaviors are used in talking out a conflict.

Say: Uniting behaviors help build bridges between different parties in a conflict. Using uniting behaviors can uncover areas of agreement that highlight ways to reach a resolution.

Say: Opening behaviors are active listening skills we use to help others share how they feel. The purpose of opening behaviors is to make sure all parties understand what they care about in a conflict.

Say: Informing behavior represents the opportunity to tell others what you want, why you want what you want, how you feel, and what your needs are. Using informing behaviors often require you to think about your positions and needs and how you feel before you sit down to talk so that you are prepared to clearly articulate where you are coming from and why.

Ask: What impact do you think these kinds of communication could have on everyone involved when trying to work out the conflict?

Say: Suppose someone says, “I really felt disrespected when __________ happened.” You could respond by saying, “Feeling respect is important to me too. Can you tell me more about why you felt disrespected?” You are uniting when you share that respect is important to you and using opening behaviors when you ask the other person to explain what made them feel disrespected.

Explain that a conversation between two people in conflict often takes more than one cycle of uniting, opening, and informing to clarify the positions and needs of all involved. For example, person A may go first, and person B may learn about A’s positions and needs and why A wants what they want. B might say, “So it sounds like you want ________ because ________ Is that correct?” If it is correct, then B might start to inform by saying, “I want to be clear about what I want too. I want ______ because _______.” A then has a chance to use uniting, informing, and opening behaviors to respond to B. The cycle continues until all parties understand each other’s positions and needs.

Ask students to turn back to Handout 1.

Ask: If you were Priscilla’s parent, what one sentence might you yell at her when she arrives home late? What could her parents have said instead? Record responses on the board under “Parents’ Position.”

Ask: If you were Priscilla, what one sentence might you yell back at your parents? Record responses on the board under “Priscilla’s Position.”

Distribute Handout 2. Review each behavior with the class.

Say: Today we are going to practice opening and informing behaviors.

Divide the class into groups of three students each. Two students should take on the roles of Priscilla’s parents, and the third student should take on the role of Priscilla. Tell students to role- play the conflict using uniting, opening, and informing behaviors to identify the underlying needs of Priscilla and of her parents.

Ask a volunteer from two or three different groups to report back to class on their role-play. Ask: “ What kinds of opening behaviors did Priscilla use? What opening behaviors did the parents use?”

Ask: “ How did opening behaviors help the parents figure out Priscilla’s underlying needs? What are her needs? Record responses. Ask: How did opening behaviors help Priscilla find out her parents’ needs? What are her parents’ needs? Record responses.

Ask the students who played a parent role: How did informing behaviors help you in the conversation with Priscilla?

Ask the students who played the role of Priscilla: How did informing behaviors help you talk to your parents?

Ask: How do you think it would make Priscilla feel to know that her parents understood her needs? Why? How do you think it would make other parents in this situation feel if their child understood their needs? Why?

Ask: How did any of the “Priscillas” or “the parents” use uniting behaviors while you were doing the role-play? Please be as specific as you can. What impact did it have on your conversation?

Ask: What do you think would happen in real life with this kind of conflict if Priscilla and her parents stayed totally focused on their positions? Why?

Use Handouts 1 and 2 as resources to help you write one of the following dialogues:

1. Imagine you are Priscilla, and your parents give you the chance to inform them instead of yelling at you when you get to the door. Write a dialogue in which you use informing language to tell your parents of your experience and share your underlying needs.

2. Imagine you are one of Priscilla’s parents. Instead of meeting her at the door as you did in the story, you are waiting for her in the living room when she comes in. Write a dialogue in which you create an atmosphere through uniting and opening behaviors that will make her want to sit down with you to talk.