Middle School (6-8)

High School (9-12)

Supplies:

• Copies of Handout 1: Instructions and Role-Plays

• Copies of Handout 2: Observer Form

• Internet access

Preparation:

• Make enough copies of Handout 1 for each group of three students to share one.

• Make enough copies of Handout 2 for each student to have one.

CASEL Core Competencies

• Relationship skills

• Responsible decision-making

• Self-awareness

Common Core ELA-Literacy Standards

• Speaking and listening

NCSS Social Studies Themes

• Individual development and identity

• Individuals, groups, and institutions

• Self-management

• Social awareness

• Global connections

Students will:

• Learn the importance of using active listening skills to uncover information about a conflict.

• Identify another person’s feelings in a conflict using active listening skills.

• Connect the use of validating, encouraging, clarifying, restating, reflecting, and summarizing skills to the practice of active listening.

Ask: How many people think they are good at observing and understanding other people? What do you do to observe and understand how other people feel? Ask students either to brainstorm as a class or to work independently to create a list of ideas and then report their thinking to a partner
or the class.

Introduce the term “active listening:” active listening was popularized in a 1957 book of the same name by authors
Carl R. Rogers
and Richard Evans Farson. Active listening, according to Rogers and Farson, is a communication technique that can be used in conflict situations that requires the listener to re-say or paraphrase what they have heard to confirm what they have heard, as well as to confirm the understanding of all involved.

Ask for a volunteer to do an active listening exercise with you that actors use to hone their listening skills.

Stand facing the student volunteer. Tell the student that you are going to have a conversation with them about your favorite movies. Say: The special part about this conversation is that after you say something to me, I have to repeat, word for word, what you said before I can answer you. Then when I answer you, you have to repeat, word for word, what I said before you can say something to me.

Say: Let’s practice. You say to me, “Hello, how are you?” The student says the sentence. You should then repeat: Hello, how are you? I’m fine. I want to know what your favorite movie is. Prompt the student to say, “I’m fine. I want to know what your favorite movie is” before they can give an answer. Increase the number of words in your sentences until it is hard for the student to remember the sentence word for word.

Ask: When someone speaks to us, what are we usually doing when they are talking that makes it so hard to repeat, word for word, what the person just said before you respond? (Responses could include: we think we know what the person is going to say, so we really don’t listen; we start thinking about what we’re going to say before the person finishes talking.) Be sure to emphasize with students that, as listeners, most of us are often so focused on what we are going to say next that we really aren’t listening to what is being said.

Put students in small groups of three students per group, then distribute Handout 1 to each group. Explain that each student in a group will take on a specific role for three different role-play scenarios. Each group member will have a turn being either the Active Listener, the Speaker, or the Observer.

Distribute one copy of Handout 1 and three copies of Handout 2 to each group. Review the steps of active listening described on Handout 2.

Review the responsibilities of each role, listed at the beginning of Handout 1. After any questions have been answered, tell the Active Listeners in each group to start the role-play using the opening sentences they have been given.

Stop the role-play after about five minutes. Tell the Observers they have a short amount of time to give feedback to the Active Listener.

Ask the Active Listeners: What did you learn about active listening from this role-play?

Ask the Speakers: What specific active listening strategies had the most impact on you?

Ask the Observers: What insights did you get from observing the role-play?

Repeat the process described in the steps above until all three role-plays have been completed and each student has had the opportunity to be an Active Listener, a Speaker, and an Observer.

Ask: What is the most important thing you have learned so far about active listening? What impact do you think active listening has on transforming a conflict that feels like it’s “high stakes” or

“high pressure?”

Share the December 2022 New York Times article, “Need to Defuse Family Squabbles? Learn From an F.B.I. Crisis Negotiator.” Review it with students, then ask: What questions do you have? What information in this article would you like to learn more about?

Taking Informed Action:

1. Read this article: “How Would You Rate Your Listening Skills and Those of the People Around You?” from the New York Times Learning Network. Then, respond to these questions with a conversation partner:

• When was the last time you listened to someone – really listened, without thinking about what you wanted to say next, getting distracted, or jumping in to offer
  your opinion?

• When was the last time someone really listened to you – was attentive to what you were saying, and whose response was so thoughtful that you felt truly understood?

2. What will you write with just six words? Look at these sample statements from Six Word Memoirs. Consider them as inspiration for writing your own original six-word reflection about your experience being an active listener, or being listened to:

• “Active listening harder than most think.” (Lot Less Monster for Six-Word Memoirs)

• “Communication is a power everyone has.” (MasonH for Six-Word Memoirs)

• “A fine line between conflicting points.” (spelly78 for Six-Word Memoirs)